I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
