I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize