Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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