Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
