You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
