I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
