I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
