Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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