I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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