Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize