your room smells of hookers.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday