party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i drank out of a bidet.
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.