Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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