My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize