so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
