i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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