we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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