You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
