I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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