I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
