It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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