where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They took my balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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