i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
