I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it