If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.