Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
pray to the hookup gods
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it