there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach