Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.