I wish I could teleport
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
