she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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