there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
