of course. lets lasso hookers.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
