Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In America we eat man semen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
