never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
