Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
