Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
