Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
