I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
