You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
