eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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