Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
