i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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