I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
