some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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