So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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