is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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