Who wears a wallet chain?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
