Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
