I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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