I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize