My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
