then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
