No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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