someone get that fucking seahorse.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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