Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
