he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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