Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
