i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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