you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
