I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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