I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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