just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
