I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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