What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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