Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
