Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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