I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
