hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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