His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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