All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize