if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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