I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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